Are you sitting or standing at the cross?

I have long decided that Easter tipped the scale as a favorite Holiday for me.  As a young girl my church had an Easter Cantata, Easter sunrise service and breakfast.  I loved the "feeling" I got from all the Easter celebrations.  At the time I was not entirely clear on why this Holiday had such an impact on me.  Christmas was fun, had religious ceremonies, fun parties, traditions and family time and I loved that as well but for some reason Easter still felt more important.  I know some of you may be thinking what can be more important than the Birth of the Christ Child and while I agree for me something is more important and that is his death and the manner in which it occurred.

It wasn't until I was older did I figure out why it held such meaning.  The birth of Christ is all about Jesus his death is all about us.  What he went through on that cross, that was for you and I. 

What a shame that we go through our lives and often do not live as though someone gave their life for ours.  How selfless of HIM and how selfish of us.  We do not think of Mary and what she must have felt standing at the foot of the cross as her son is put to death.  I love my children immensely and cannot imagine being present in that moment.  

In church today I was overcome with emotion while singing these words;

Thank you for the cross ,Lord
Thank you for the price you paid
Bearing all my sin and shame
And gave Amazing grace.

I thought again about the tremendous sacrifice he gave for me.  It is no secret that we all know that he died on the cross for our sins but how does that impact you?  Does it stop us from sinning?  No we are not capable of that . Does it stop us from Shame?

Thank you for the scars Lord
Thank you for the nail- pierced hands.
Wash me in your cleansing flow. Now all I know….
Your forgiveness and embrace.

This is the moment I was overcome, Those scars from those nails those folks are for you and I.   Those scars or for the sins we continue to commit. He went through that pain so that we might live and he embraces us.

Worthy is the lamb, seated on the throne
We crown you now with many crowns
You reign victorious!
High and lifted up Jesus, son of man
The God of heaven, crucified
Worthy is the lamb.

I know that we look at ourselves and others through eyes of sin and not the purity that Jesus does but there are times I do not feel worthy of this kind of love and sacrifice.

The Bible tells us in Matthew 27:36

        And sitting down, they kept watch over him
(new international version)

(The new living translation tells us;)
        Then they sat around and kept guard as he hung there.

(English standard)
        Then they sat down and kept watch over him there.

In Mark 15:24 the soldiers cast lots for his garments, but it does not speak of them sitting and watching.  Luke’s account tells that the people stood, and Johns account tells us that Mary HIS mother stood.

I know that the soldiers were ordered to guard Jesus carefully and though I understand that as custom, I wonder why the soldiers sat to keep their watch.

I thought about the crowd that was present standing and watching, doing what was the popular thing to do. Some of those saying Hosanna one day and crucify him the next.  I imagine some watched the nails being driven in to his hands and then went home to go about their day turning their backs when the excitement died.

I can imagine those who stood and moved on did not experience anything as powerful and personal as did the soldiers who sat still and watched the power of Jesus that caused them fear. 

Today there are still those who follow Jesus by standing around .
When things aren’t going well or life is not exciting they turn their backs on Jesus. 

However there are Christians who sit and experience Jesus every day.  They know of HIS amazing power and grace.  They realize the part they played in his death.  We know he died for us and it brings us sorrow and has us ask for forgiveness that our sins of the past, Present and future are forgiven.

Where are you today?  Are you sitting at the foot of the cross spending time with Jesus or are you simply standing in the crowd ready to walk away when the excitement is gone?

Our present is the future good old days

When I started blogging the intent was to find that 1 thing each day that you can say brings you some measure of joy.  While I got away from coming out and saying what that 1 thing was I think I remained true to my intent by simply writing what felt right and good.

Sometimes thoughts for a post come at times I would not have thought a good moment could come from.  Thus the following post was born.


I went to Verizon tonight to upgrade my phone, which is NEVER anything I feel like doing.  I really just wanted a phone that was equivalent to what I currently had.  I quickly learned that was really not an option. While I was half listening to what my options were, a woman ran in frantic because her phone was about to lose power and she needed to buy a car charger because she could not be without her phone for her drive home.  I began to think about the control these little devices had had on our lives.  I quickly thought back to when there were no options because there were no cell phones.  Was our life easier then, simpler?  Would we call it  The good old days?

One hour, 35 minutes and a new phone later I walked out of Verizon telling the guys kids that helped me that I spent so much time there I felt like they were family.  As I walked to my car overwhelmed that I had a phone that appeared to be able to do everything but cook dinner I wondered about it all.

When I think about the good old days I think about simple times.  I think of a time when Sundays were just spent with family.  I think of making homemade ice cream, rides in the country, party phones, prayers in school,and the pledge of allegiance.  I think and almost smell the apple pies and jello my mother made every Sunday before church for our dinner.  Eating dinner at the table every night as a family was not a novelty.  Neighbors who were not just friendly but friends. 

Good, bad, sad or otherwise our present is the future good old days.  I thought about that and really didn't know how I felt about it.  Does that mean the future will be worse? more complicated? more technical? (for sure).  It likely means the future times will be such that my grandchildren will see the present as the good old days.

Since that is likely I thought these good old days for them are going to be determined partly by my relationship with them.  That there is reason enough for me to make every minute I have with them special.  To make sure that the memories we are creating are going to be worthy enough to go into the memory book of The good old days.  I don't have to be the author in their book but I do want to be a main character!Good

What if it was Jesus

At least once a month I go and feed lunch to the homeless.  I leave the comfort of my desk at work and go into an environment not foreign but not familiar to me.  Most of those gathered are men and most of them appear friendly.  Some appear discouraged, some sad, some quiet and keep to them self.

This was my experience this week.

I ask if I can say a prayer before they eat and all the men with hats remove them.  I am humbled.  This however would not be the greatest experience of the day.

After the group was eating for a few minutes an elderly gentleman came in.  He was very disheveled ,had oxygen on and wore a sweet smile. He sat down and I brought him some soup and a sandwich, he bowed his head and said "Jesus I love you" and he began to eat.

Off to his left there was a young couple who stood and was leaving and this elderly man stopped eating his much needed meal and said "sir how are you, what are you doing here?" the response, "trying to get my life together"
This man, no longer interested in the meal that sat before him began to witness to him, telling him that the only way was to have faith in the Lord and he would provide and see them through.  He didn't stop there, but instead asked if he could pray for them.  I stood in awe at the scene before me, an elderly man with nothing, yet thankful for everything. He encouraged them to seek the Lord and gave them bible verses to hang onto.  He then went a step further and invited them to a church he attends and when the response was "we have no way" this gentle man who has captured my attention said "God will find a way"

Speechless I wanted to kneel before this man and pray for him, thank him for the message of  hope he so easily gave while I stood by and watched.  I wanted him to know how special he was but instead of telling him that I gave him another bowl of soup.

Opportunities are placed before us more often than we realize or more often than we are open to accepting them and we let them slip by.  What if he was Jesus.  What if I served Jesus lunch that day but did not witness to that young couple so desperate and ashamed to have to come for food?  Cease every opportunity to serve.


Matthew 23:11 Says
 "But the greatest among you shall be your servant"


The servant was not me- but an elderly frail man who had nothing but his faith to give.  I fed their hunger but he fed their souls!

Gone but not forgotten

I think that we all have ways in which we find moments of peace and serenity.  I think most of us have more than one way.  In addition to reading the word while drinking a good cup of coffee or tea with low soft music playing in the background, sometimes I just need to get out and find peace while being physical.

Sometimes that looks like a hike along a wooded trail, sometimes a drive in the country and sometimes (well often) I love to visit old cemetery's and walk through the grave sites.  That is where I was led to yesterday.  I take the time to read what is written, enjoying  most, those from the 1800's.  You can almost always learn something about the individual.  I close my eyes and let myself visualize the person- what their period clothing may have looked like, how did they die? who did they leave behind? Most of the stones will indicate the exact age of the individual breaking it down from years, months and days. 

I stumbled upon the plot of a John Swickad.  I soon learned that he was the head of a very large family.  There were numerous sites and all listing their place in the family.  I was drawn in, looking at sites of married couples and their children, several passing very young.  I often think when I see gravestones of sibling children that it is likely they died of illnesses that are today easily cured. I sit quietly and try to connect with this family (NOT as a medium would do) just to feel the stillness.   They likely have no one visiting the sites and it seems like it just validates they once walked this earth many years ago.  I quietly walk away leaving them to once again be undisturbed all resting together and my prayers was they are together in eternity.

I came home and googled John Swickard and found this photo- the dates matching those on the grave site-  beside his photo were photos of more than a  dozen relatives who are buried in the plot as well. 

I love history, even more I love the 1700/1800's. 

I continued to walk thru the grave sites and found many that said "gone but not forgotten" and it occurred to me that most of these sites had been forgotten.  Maybe not because no one cared about the individual but instead because some of them were 200-300 years old.  Who would be left to care for them?

I stumbled upon these and confirmed that indeed these were "forgotten"

                                                  
                                          

                                  Words so old they were barely legible.

Broken, knocked over stones.

This young mother died at the age of 30yrs,5mos and 22 days

Molding of her hand.

I recognize and appreciate that not everyone enjoys cemetery's so finding peace there may be hard to understand.  I recognize that the souls of these individuals are living in eternity, but to me it symbolizes they walked this earth.  Just a part of history I enjoy that brings me peace-so

Mr. Swickard and Mary his wife and all of your decedents, know that though you are gone, for at least one day in this century- you were not forgotten!

Sugar and spice & Snips and snails

It is no secret that one of my great desires was to become a mother and now I can say that one of my greatest loves was becoming a grandma Nana.

Audrey Eileen it has been 14 months since you bestowed that title upon me.  You have given me so much in the short time you have been in our family.  You have given me a chance to see your mama as a baby again through you.  You have afforded me the opportunity to see my little girl become a mommy, a role she needed little education in as it came so natural for her.

My princess, the moment you were born my heart grew big enough to accommodate all the love I hold for you.  You don't know it yet but you have given me many more dreams to hold.

You see little one, Nana has so much to teach you and share with you.  There are tea parties to have, the kind where you and I will wear fancy hats and tell stories over tea.  We have walks to take and cookies to bake.  We have songs to sing, and stories to read.  We have memories to make.  I have something to give you that no one else can, I have special memories and stories to tell you all about your mommy when she was a little girl.  I know that you will give her the same joy she gave to me. 

 I wonder if instead of stuffed animals you will sleep with a pile of books as your mommy did? Will you always be the peace keeper she was?  Will you think of others before yourself?  Will you love all little animals?  Will you play with dolls and dress up clothes one moment and run through mud the next?  Will you buy her pot-holders every year at Christmas because the 1st time you do she tells you how very much she loves them? 

If you grow up to be like your mommy she will be a happy mommy- I know.

Thank you Ashley for  giving me my first grandchild .....my beautiful granddaughter.

Alden Michael,

You have only just joined our family and you have already melted our hearts.  You are the perfect image of your daddy when he was born and holding you after your birth took me back 31 years to the day he was born for that I thank you!  You and I we have some planning to do! but first let me tell you what you have accomplished in the short time you have been with us.

The greatest thing you have done is make my son a daddy.  Sounds easy doesn't it I mean all you had to do was be born.  While that is true little one, you did so much more.  Knowing how to be a daddy was not something yours ever thought he would be good at, after all Nana had to be his mommy and daddy and he was scared.  You my precious changed all of that the minute he saw your face, your frail self and how much you needed him.  In a short time I watched him become your protector, comforter and someone to unconditionally love you. I saw him and listened too him in awe at the miracle of you.  I saw the fear fade and the love overflow- he knew how to be a daddy.

I can't wait to share in all the little boy adventures with you.  Bug collecting, kite flying, baseball ( I hope).  We will make tents in the family room and read books by flashlight.  We will take walks and collect leaves and rocks and anything else that little boys like to collect.  We will put on our rain boots and run through puddles.  We will build igloos and snow forts.  We can drink hot chocolate while watching movies.  I can give you something no one else can, I can tell you about your daddy when he was a little boy. I pray that you bring him the same joy he brought to me.

I wonder if you will use your mommy's kitchen chairs to build space ships like your daddy did?  Will you dream of being an astronaut?  Will you want your mommy to sing to you EVERY night the same Christmas song even though it is not Christmas time? Will you be shy?  Will you love books? Will you always write your essays about your mommy?  

Will you be fiercely protective of your mommy?  If you grow up to be like your daddy............. You will make your mommy happy..............I know.

Thank you son for giving me my beautiful first grandson.

                                      


This post is dedicated to my daughter Ashley and son Mike and the relationships that are growing with their children.  
Rick and Meredith it in no way minimizes your part in creating and giving me these beautiful children.  My intent was seeing them through the eyes of their children.  I love you both and Thank you for loving my children and grandchildren.,  
                                         

Don't focus on the mud.

Helen Keller once wrote: “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.”

Often when I face challenging times, as I navigate through I forget that it is a journey and just want to get to the end.  I find myself doing this be it a good situation or bad.  Good, I want it now.  Bad, I want it now.

Like most I always hope to learn from my mistakes but sometimes we just get stuck in the mud preventing us from realizing our true potential. If we could focus not on what has already happened that we may not be able to change, but instead maybe on what we can change.  What can I do differently?  What can I focus on that would be in my best interest?

With that said I get stuck right in the middle sometimes paralyzed, sinking down in the mud feeling like I am torn between wanting to sink in it or reach up and have the hand of reason  God pull me out.  I Always want the hand of God to pull me out but I don't always act like I trust him to do so.

 For me the encouragement is this, every moment I can make a new choice.  That choice may take me to better moments or it may get me stuck in the mud but it is my choice.

Our successes (or I should say my) come in moments. What I mean is that if I have a rotten day I look back and find at  least one moment in that day that I can feel good about.  When I do that I often find more than just one moment and it does make the not so good moments less likely to feel like complete failures.

Sometimes getting stuck in the mud forces us to wash it off. A spiritual cleansing for me.  If I allow God to rescue me, and I rely fully on Him the mud becomes a little less restricting. Getting stuck and staying there, that is what can be painful.

I am going to try and not focus on the mud, but the hand that can save me.