A sibling is one of two or more individuals having one or both parents in common. A female sibling is a sister and a male sibling is a brother. Any new information yet? In most societies throughout the world, siblings often grow up together, thereby facilitating the development of strong emotional bonds. The emotional bond between siblings is often complicated and is influenced by factors such as parental treatment, birth order, personality, and personal experiences outside of the family.
This may catch you by surprise. I hope it does anyway because it did me.
Full siblings having the same parents are only 50% related. (Full siblings share 50% of their genes out of those that vary among humans) Identical twins by definition are 100% related.
Ok. I have a set of identical twin sisters and I clearly get they are 100% related not because this is what studies show but I have seen some amazing twin connections over the years. Even when they moved to different states. Several times over the years they both sent our mother the identical card for her birthday or mothers day. They showed up or my wedding having bought the same dress.
I love all my siblings 100% of the time but I bet there were times when I claimed to only be 20% related to them but that was when I thought we were 100% related , now that I know we are only 50% it was more like 1 or 2%.
From the time we are born, our brothers and sisters share a common bond with us. Be it the bond of getting into mischief, co conspirators, role models or playmates.
They protect us, they hurt us, they tease us they tattle on us.
Sisters teach brothers about the fickleness mystery of girls, and brothers teach sisters about the complications pule of boys. That is a puzzle that takes some time to put together. I have 3 siblings that were close to parental age when I was born, so those sibs (well at least my sister) took on a mothering role.
Our spouses and children arrive later in life. Our parents leave us too early, our brothers and sisters are with us for our journey.
I am the youngest of 9 children.
I love that position.
If you are an only child. I. Am. Sorry.
There are nine of us that all share the same parents. We all grew up in the same house, some of us a decade or more later. We all experienced the same traditions. We all have similar stories regarding our childhood, yet we all are uniquely different.
Currently, we all live in different parts of the country. My family currently represents the States of, New York, (Our birthplace and rearing grounds), Florida, North Carolina, Montana and Ohio.
This past summer we were blessed to hold a sibling reunion. We had not all been together for more than 17 years.
Though we may always feel connected to our siblings on some level even when we don't live near them, reuniting with them, for me sewed that stitch together.
I walked away with a new appreciation for time. Years and distance have separated us but our heats remained close.
When our parents died one of the things that grieved me most was I no longer had a historian for my pre-birth or pre- memory days of my life.
How would I learn all I still wanted to know?
One of the most important parts of our reunion for me was the time we each had to share memories or talk about our youth. I learned so much that I never knew and I still smile when I visualize a time before me that I can now feel apart of. learned some things about my childhood I had no memory recall of and I learned what life was like before me.
I also left with this. There is nothing that could stand in my way of doing anything for my siblings if they needed me. This is a bond you share with no other and I am blessed to have it x's 8. 8 completely different bonds with people who are a part of me. They know from where I come.
No matter what the studies say- I am 100% related to my sibs!
I wrote this poem for my sibs and gave it to them with a gold keychain of a tree with our family name on it.
My Favorite Tree
There is this favorite tree of mine
I go there everyday.
I only have to close my eyes
to hear what it may say.
The largest branch is might high
It holds the patriarch
and that little branch extending out
well that is the Matriarch.
When the wind blows just right
their words I clearly hear.
the words that once would set us off
Have now become so dear.
The branches soon began to grow,
one and then another.
The first one that branched out from them
Is known as our first brother.
The rains came down, the tree still grew
and then there was another.
The next branch from my favorite tree
is known as our next brother.
These little twigs they grew and played
the tree began to curl.
The limb that came to straighten them
is known as our first girl.
The farmer fertilized that tree,
it grew some double limbs.
For the branches that grew on it next
are known as our dear twins.
The branches that first sprouted
said "Sir, Mister, Mister
can you please do some trimming
as we just grew another sister.
So that tree did it's very best
The braches grew by one another.
And soon to their amazement
came the Golden brother.
This newest branch he hung alone
his leaves began to curl
so the largest branches on this tree
brought forth another girl.
I guess with all these branches
this tree still just wasn't shady
until it brought the last big branch
known as the family's baby.
While this tree has lost some branches
it is my favorite just the same
for it tells me who I am
and from whom I came.
In 6.5 months my daughter will join the "mommies of more than one club" I have been thinking about what that will look like for her family.
It wasn't until I was a mother myself that I could fully appreciate all that my own mother did. I think this is true for just about anyone who has children. Before children I just knew my mom was......a mom. She coked, she baked, she took us to the dentist, the Doctor's. What we needed she provided. Was I always pleased? No. At times did I think, I will do/be different when I have kids? yes.
What I never thought about was all she had to do for me as an infant. We don't remember our infancy so there is not a memory bank to draw from. I always remember romanticizing about the idea of having an infant.
As we become older and once we become parents the appreciation for our mothers (and fathers too) becomes clearer.
I didn't think of all the diapers she washed. There were no disposable diapers at that time (eeek Im a old) and having a sister just 2 years older it is likely she had hers as well. I didn't think about her having to make her own formula. The crying nights, the illnesses, unending laundry must have abounded since I am the youngest of 9. Yes I said that right I am the 9th hoodlum precious gift.
I just thought well this mom things doesn't seem so hard, you get to make all the decisions regarding your child. You get to be in charge of someone else. You get to love your very own little person how hard can that be?
Wow was I disillusioned.
Being a mom is SO much more. First and foremost it is a privilege. It is an honor to be given the opportunity to be a mother. It is not something we are guaranteed. It is not even something that all women want.
What I learned from my mother- These are actual memories( from my mother herself and being a mother) and recommendations to the newest mommies in our family;
1. You CAN love more than one child.
2. You can exist on only a few hours of sleep.
3. We'll see usually meant yes- I'll think about it usually meant no.
4. BAKE- The smells from your kitchen will later provide comforting memories.
5. When decorating your Christmas tree- Let them help! A beautiful tree will come later.
6. Insist that you take their picture the first day of each school year- they will thank you later.
7.Even when it hurts to say no- say it anyway.
8. Always kiss them goodnight- until they are old enough to then come and kiss you goodnight.
9. Let them experience some things without you.
10. Be in their business- you do have the right.
11. Tell them often they are beautiful and you love them.
12. Bundle them up to play in the snow( I remember so many layers I looked like I stepped off the set of The Christmas story)and then as soon as you are done bundling and they have to go to the bathroom smile and love them anyway. A good memory need not be tainted by frustration.
13. Make them Hot chocolate like it was a celebration!
14. Cut down a Christmas tree at least once while they can make a memory.
15. When they stay home from school sick- make them chicken noodle soup and jello even if they don't want it- the love will make them feel better.
16. Don't ever be a judge in a coloring contest with their siblings.
17. Make them learn to set the table- even while they grumble.
18. Give the chores early.
19. Create aromas- I have SO many warm memories from the smells wafting from the kitchen of my childhood home.
20. Smile when he/she proudly wears the hand-made Halloween costumes.(One year I do not know what my mother was thinking but for my costume contest in elementary school she sewed real leaves all over a 2 piece bathing suit That was I the 60's so it wasn't seen as scandalous )
21.Encourage their dreams.
22.Love their daddy.
23. When they make you something and give it to you with much pride on their face- don't ask what it is.
24. Pray with them- read the Bible to them.
25. Don't drop them off at church- attend with them.
26. Even if they can't sing , tell them they sound beautiful.
27. Discipline them- you are NOT their best friend.
28. Let the go when It is time.
29. Now be their best friend.
You don't have to be the same mother mine was or even that I am.
I remember there was not a Sunday that went by without waking up to the smell of pies baking , the sounds of ice cubes being stirred in the jello so it would be set in time for dinner. A roast being prepared ad cooking ALL before church! This momma didn't so that.
I remember Christmas cut out cookies being so detailed with their icing that they seemed real. While this momma can make a mean cut out cookie and they may be colorful, they are not detail oriented and we may even have a blue Santa.
You don't have to do the same traditions for the Holidays that we did but my guess is you will have some. Good memories will prompt you to carry on those same traditions.
I remember Christmas having the same traditions year after year. Weeks before when the red and white velvet reindeer appeared, for me this was the stat of the season. Those reindeer so precious to me now sit on my mantle for Christmas. You don't have to make pop corn balls, play Nat King Cole's Christmas music or patiently wait while your mother first puts all the lights and then the tinsel (one painful strand at a time)on the tree. Just make memories for your family.
Being a mother is so much more than the feeding, diapering, nursing them while they are sick, sleepless nights. It is teaching morals, values. Right from wrong.
Being a mother Is preparing them for the future. Filling them with memories that can last long after you are gone.
Being a mother is loving them-ALL sides of them, at ALL times so when they leave, they will always want to come home.
