You can't stop the waves but you can learn to surf.

"You may not control all the events that happen to you but you can decide not to be reduced by them."- Maya Angelou

 

 Every one of us, if given the chance could tell a story about our lives.  Some may have caused a mere ripple while others go deeper.

 

Stories may be similar to the listener but to the one who "owns" it, it has an entirely different effect.  It may be life-changing, it may be crippling, it may be life-altering, good or bad.  It may define you for the rest of your life.

 

All of our stories though similar in the telling, for some, is but a portion of the outcome.  How we choose to respond is significant in the conclusion.

 

Many of us map out our lives to our liking.  Sometimes it looks selfish sometimes it looks generous.  Always it looks perfect because who would map out their life to include pain, disappointment and sorrow?

 

Our failure is when we place all of our hope on the life that WE mapped out, so that when the unexpected happens it can completely throw us off course.  We become vulnerable. we become unsure of what to do because this wasn't in our plans".  We become uncomfortable feeling ill equipped to maneuver this unplanned disruptive course.

 

I think when life throws us a curve it is often a hard ball to catch.  Sometimes it is easy to shake off.  Sometimes it shakes us to the core.  I believe that when we are thrown off course, when our map starts winding in directions we didn't plan, we experience stages much like those of grief.

 

In no way do I, have I, or will I ever always follow these suggestions. 

 

First and foremost Pray- It is easy to pray and say I am going to give it to God however sometimes our human hearts do not easily allow us to relinquish it all to Him.

 

Be Honest-

 

Even if your map has one or many detours in it, don't think you have failed.  Face it head on. (I am not good at this) The more we make excuses the longer it takes to face the truths and get back on course.  Being angry and hurt are acceptable feelings and is part of being honest with yourself.  For me the sooner I can start thinking clearly. (Not to be confused with actually taking steps- that could take me eons) the quicker I feel resolve.

 

Be Open-

 

So your map got messed up and now you have to face something that threw you off course.  It may be something that is hard to let go of but holding on can make us resentful.  It may lead you on a journey that was never close to being on your map.  Embrace it (after you have hated it) It may produce good changes.

 

 

Be Kind-

 

Even if what has happened in your life is your fault, be kind to yourself and forgive yourself.  Talk to yourself lovingly- you may be the only one at that point who does.  Our actions have to come from the heart.  Let your action of choice be love.

 

Trust-

 

That even though your life may NOT be following the course you mapped out, it may be turning out exactly as it was meant to be.

 

Go with the flow

 

Doesn't even make sense to anyone who has their life 'mapped out" I have to remind myself(often) that when I try to create the life I alone want, it is then that I am thrown off course.  Choosing how I respond can put me back on the correct path.

 

Have courage-

 

Because when something unexpected happens you may just discover what you are truly in search of.

 

 

 

  

 

 

My child will do it different

The beginning of another school year is only 9 days away.  Like most mothers the last few days of summer break are filled with getting school supplies, figuring out new schedules, and leaving behind the more flexible schedules.

It has been many years since I sent a child into their first year of high school , and though times have changed the apprehensions have not.
Freshman nerves are already displaying themselves. 

Pretty words like, be yourself, be a leader not a follower, Make good choices, does nothing to soothe the fears.

I have to be honest this ride is not easy for this mama either.  I know that the moment our children begin school we " Send them out " to be influenced by others but sending them into high school they are so vulnerable.  There are more opportunities for independence, more opportunities to be tempted, more circumstances for them to make choices that can impact their lives.

   I mean in grade school when you color a person blue- it does nothing to change your life.   Guys High school is peer pressure on steroids!

Do I think my son will make good choices? yes most of the time.
Does he want to fit in? Absolutely!
Will he make any bad choices? there is that chance!
Is he a good kid? Yes he is
Do good kids make bad choices? yes they do!

When I started school in the 60's and my adult children in the 80's/90's times were different but feelings were not.

I am guilty of thinking at times "My child will do it differently"

Different than who?  Different than what? 
Better?
Different than we may want them to that is what.
Peer pressure is enormous and" the way " they may have been taught is at risk or being swept under the rug even if only temporarily.

Do I like that ? NO

Do kids need to fail to learn?  Yes they do.

Even great kids are not always great!  Boundaries will be stretched, experiences will be had. 

Our teens are facing issues in our present day world that are just ugly.  how do we shield them from it all?  We can't.

We can pray for them, we can be an example for them, we can love them through all the choices they make good and bad.  We can show them the Grace that was given us.

High school isn't for sissies!

Good luck Cameron may your dreams of being an orthodontist come true! Seem premature since he is a freshman?  Well in  2015 In our district you choose your high school based on what your career choice is! So he will be in a medical program and have his first year of college completed when he graduates!

UGH- Give me Romper Room!

Rilah Marie has something to say .

Let me start by introducing myself.  I am Rilah Marie.  3rd grandchild of Nana who is helping me write this post.

 
I am 7 weeks old today and my big sister Audrey and cousin Alden told me nana would be helping me express myself on her blog.  They said "don't think you are going to get out of it."  I guess this is one of those moments that can be defined as indulging Nana.

I think the first was when I was 3 days old and had a photo shoot similar to what a super model would have to endure.  "Just do it they said, it will pay off later"

SO here I am!  My first week was a whirlwind of learning.  I mean before my birth I had no complaints about where I was.  I did nothing for myself, and suddenly I have to work at getting my food.  I first met mommy, daddy and Nana.  They all cried and seemed pretty happy to see me. 

My first full day someone called Grammy and Pops brought my big sister Audrey to meet me.  Wow was she excited and someday I may just have to remind her of that!

This is us! I love her!

Sometimes when I cry she tells me "it's ok"  I know someday I will have fun playing with her.

 

  

 

These pictures below are only a sample of what Nana put me through!

 

Shhhhh I have a secret.  Nana told me I was the BEST behaved for my newborn pictures.  Sorry Audrey and Alden!

 

You guys told me to "suck up early" Thanks for the advise!

 

 

 

 

 

This is my family !

 

 

 

 

 

I had a great few weeks getting to know my family!

 

Grammy and Pops were close by to give sister Audrey some great 1:1 time while mommy and daddy got used to me!  I am pretty easy to love though!

 

So I am pretty happy I landed in this family. 

 

I know that Mommy will be my biggest fan;

Daddy will be my fierce protector;

Nana will be the biggest sappy pushover  sentimentalist;

Gramps will cuddle and ride bikes with me;

Grammy will have pictures of every event for me;

Pops- He will play ANYTHING with me;

Uncle Cameron won't let anyone hurt me;

I haven't met Uncle Bryan yet but I will;

Uncle Mike will teach me, well pretty much anything I want to know;

Auntie Mere will keep me girly;

Cousin Alden and sister Audrey will likely get me in trouble be my best friends.

 

SO I figure I left the comfort of my mama, but I feel Blessed about this life I have been given.

 

How did I do Nana?

 

 

 

Just swell precious!

 

 

 

The Summers of "then"

In a few weeks summer will be officially here.  With the crazy weather most of the United States had this past winter I am certain that the long awaited days for warmth will be welcome. 

Summer is a season that always seems to flood my mind with memories.  I think, due to the fact that as kids we were (well most of us) excited to be out of school.  Now I don't have the privilege of asking my parents this but I cannot recall a summer day of my youth that I ever said "I'm bored"

Summers of the 60's has very few things in common with the "Summer of now"  The temperatures are probably close to the only constant.  Yes kids are still out of school for the summer.  Yes more people are likely to go on vacation in the summer.  However the days now look very different.

Most of us long for simpler, at one time or another.  Something as simple as freshly washed clothes blowing in the breezes as they hung from wooden clothespins on a line propped up by a post or tree branch. I can still see my mother attaching the clothes to one another.  A lost art.   Kids now are denied the rush one gets from smelling sheets that are scented with the great outdoors.  HOA would not allow something as unsightly as ones clothing rippling through the neighborhood.

Summer time meant more time to go to the five and dime store, like Woolworth.  Oh how I loved that store.  The smells wafting from the lunch counter. 

There would be no pizza delivered to our home but I remember when milk was.  A metal Milk box would sit outside of our door and when the milkman came he would leave what was ordered by leaving a note or a number inside the box.  I am not certain how those milk bottles lasted very long in a family with 9 children.

One of my favorite summer past time was walking down to the corner store.  We lived out in the country so it truly was a country store.  Elmer the store owner knew us all by name.  There were no credit or debit cards.  If we wanted or needed something we simply had it put on a tab until Friday when dad got paid and would stop and take care of it.  Penny candy truly was penny candy and sometimes more than 1 for a penny.  Candy would be in bins unwrapped and we would get small paper bags and choose what we wanted.  We would slowly walk home , stopping at times to play in the creek.

Countless hours were spent outside.  We always had something to do and if we didn't, we found something by using our imaginations.  When you lived in the Country there were many places to roam.  We had large hills, We made forts. found very large holes on the hills that became our bunkers.

We could all pile in the back of dad's pick up truck and ride in the open air down to the dairy to get ice cream cones and it was not illegal and no one considered it unsafe. 

We spent numerous summers camping and kept so busy we never thought we were missing a thing by not having internet. we explored, swam, played hard.  We sat by the campfires as a family and talked and sang while dad played the harmonica.   We made memories that are not wrapped up in video games.

I know that progress is good - no, I know it is great.  I just find it so sad that with progress there is loss.  I don't mean everyone has to camp.  I don't mean that children and families are not making great memories because we do.  Each generation has new and different exposures that will contribute to the making of their memories but those of us who lived our young lives during the simpler times, I can't help but believe most of us feel sorry for the generations that haven't.

I am still trying to figure out where all the lightening bugs went!  There were so many firefles when I was a child they could light our way to play out after dark, which by the way was safe!

I can't change the culture or the times for my family.  I can make certain that in years to come they will have memories that warm them.  Memories that they miss.  Memories that they will try to somehow recreate for their families.

Have a great memory making summer.  Count fireflies, run in the rain-(This is fun I have already introduced my grandbabies to it and their giggles were so worth it).

Empty Nesting - Round 2

14 years ago I was preparing to become an "empty nester".  Who am I kidding I wasn't preparing for it, I was dreading it.  Life's circumstances left me needing to nurture someone other than myself, and soon "I" was the only individual that would be left behind in an empty home.

Excitement over my sons ongoing education at the United States Naval Academy and the impending departure of my daughter to spend a year in Germany after graduation, collided with a dread for the "emptiness" I was feeling.

I chose to foster a child-(OK I became a poster child for empty nest syndrome and fostered 3 under the age of 2 at one time) and ultimately adopted that child.

Background information out of the way-moving forward my soon to be 14 year old will enter high school this year and that nest is preparing- yes preparing not dreading to drop this birdie fro the nest and watch him fly.

NOT because round two was difficult, or a mistake, or that I regret it all, but quite the opposite.

What I have learned from Birdie #1 and Birdie #2 is that I love being a mama to them as adults.  I did not lose the title, my role just shifted.  They still need me, and more importantly they choose to spend time with me.  Our relationship that was developed during their childhood is solidified in adulthood.

I have learned that the lives they lead reflect so much of what I taught them.  Lessons they learned are lessons I taught.  Decisions they make are based on morals they have learned, experiences they have had and mistakes they made.


I learned that "those teenagers" become awesome adults I want to be around every chance I get.

Premature as it may seem to be thinking of an empty nest- I choose to be prepared this time.  I mean to adopt again would be nothing short of lunatic behavior special.  I know all too well how quickly these last 4 years will go and I know how busy these young people are and how self-centered (not entirely in a bad way)they can get.  Mom's don't always fit in.

By preparing I mean the gradual letting go of the things he now loves.

• How long will he still want to curl up and watch a movie together?
• How much longer will he want to run errands with me?
• How much longer will I still be his first choice movie going partner?
• How much longer is he going to love mom and son dates?
• How much longer is he going to share everything with me?
• When will I no longer be his #1 girl?

Al healthy changes I know, but nonetheless they leave a void and with each ding, the hole grows and one more feather is plucked.

I know I am more prepared this time because even though I do not know what our future holds, I do know that our hearts for one another remain intact.  I know that being a mom does not end with their coming into adulthood it continues to grow with a newfound love and respect for one another.

So with this round am I excited? YES.  I am not going to lie and sound like mother of the year I am looking forward to NOT;

• Packing lunches or using what feels like a chunk of your 401K to pay for them.
• Making sure h is up for school.
• ALWAYS having a balanced meal-(Oh relax, I don't Always do that cuz he loves cereal).
• Hearing "I need new shoes again"( You mean your feet grew that much in 4 weeks).
• Running out of milk like every other day- However I know that once he is gone and I each for a gallon of milk in the store, tears will be triggered and I will miss him. And then I will go home and dance.
• Going to every single school conference, meeting, event, sport activity and award ceremony.
• Assigning chores and then explaining for the trigillonth(I am sure that is a number)time why it is his responsibility.
• Having someone stand over you while you are taking the only nap you have had in 10 months and say "are you awake"?
• Having what is equivalent to the entire schools football team in my backyard playing trampoline football cuz eventually ALL those boys get thirsty and hungry.

So you get the idea-and while I am looking forward I know for certain I will also look back and these same memories will place a smile on my face and cause a little flutter in my heart.

While I  pray for my children daily, I must confess I pray for them more often now that some of my time has been released from the duties of their young lives.  I can sped more time on the spiritual needs of their lives.

Proverbs 22:6
"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it".

I raised my children with hope for what their adult lives would look like and still I am amazed of what good, capable people they are.

So if you are readying yourself to release your first or last bird from the nest, know this, you still have something to give them- your true self.

And so in a few months the countdown will begin for the first stages of preparing my bird to fluff up his wings and get ready to fly, not completely on his own- no, never that.

My parenting of the flesh may soon be over for my littlest bird but my parenting of the spirit is not and I must trust God to do what I cannot, and he will. I know.

My three Birds!

To my first second born.

So there is this girl, she kind of fills my heart up ALOT- she calls me mom!

My precious daughter is carrying her second child and as the time is drawing a bit nearer she is beginning to feel emotions that any mom having child #2 has felt. 

It is undeniably very special to have your first child.  It is all a new experience.  You romanticize the birthing process, you experience a first with your partner that can never be another first.  You instantly fall in love and your world is now held in these tiny hands.  The bond is one you will never share with another.  How can you? Another child can never be your first.

Another child however can be just as awesome.  You have to make the experience a new one.  Yes the labor is likely going to be the same, yes you know what to expect.  The excitement though is that there is a first happening here.  It is the first time you will meet your second child.  Your heart doesn't grow bigger for the to share, you grow another heart so they each have their very own.

My precious baby girl, I know the emotions of not having your world revolve around just your first child are tugging at your heart. I can promise you this, the special bond you have with her will not be lost.   The love you have for Audrey is what will make it so easy for you to love pumpkin.

Yes it is true, Audrey has done something for you no other child will, she is who made you a mom.  She taught you how to love someone immensely even on a bad day.  She is the first one to ever call you mommy.  She is the reason you want another child.

I wish I could promise you that things will not change.  This is one of those times that I can't do that.  Savor the time you have as "just Audrey's mama" and she will be secure in having to share you. 

Snuggle a little longer.  Let her hear her sisters hear beat. Let her go to the store and buy her a present.  Give her 2 choices and let her pick out her coming home outfit.  Frame pictures of her coming home day and make a big deal over it and let her show it to her sister.  Sit in the new nursery while you read a good night story , let her pick out a book of hers to give to her sister.

Teach her to love being a big sister and when they smile at each other for the first time your mama heart will melt.

You will be amazing as a mama of two.  You will not have the same relationship with both of your girls but that is not born of loving them different it is because they are two complete different individuals.  What you will grow to know is that you don't love them the same, you can't they are not the same person.  You will however love them each equally. 

You know it isn't a bad thing what our are feeling-it is an awesome thing because it translates into how much you love being Audrey's mommy. 

You are giving Audrey a great gift and you are creating a first for her.  You are making her a sister.  You are giving her a friend for life.  We don't say goodbye to firsts we hold onto them for life.

These two little loves of yours will never doubt the heart you have for them.  I know because I know you. 

I love you immensely my baby girl- My second born!