Find That 1 Thing: Nature vs Nurture

I was inspired again by the early morning sun, but more importantly I was inspired by attending church and hearing the word of God!

I have had a weekend of questions from my nine year old son.

Mom what happens to a boy when he goes through puberty?
What happens to a girl when she goes through puberty?
Who do you think I look like? I wonder if I look like my birth mom or dad?
Can I be a running back, even if the coach wants me to be a defensive lineman?
Do you think my birth mom would be jealous if she saw us together?

Wow that didn't catch me off guard or anything !

I took a deep breath as I prepared to give my puberty talk and he said "I know one thing I don't want to get all that body hair". I proceed to give "the talk" as I did years ago with my now adult children, and when I finished talking about the boys he said "that is gross, I don't even want lunch now"

So we move on to talk about the girls changes and out of his mouth came the exact words and tone that my 30 year old son (whom he shares a birthday with)said many years ago.

That said it brings me to today's thoughts- Nature vs. Nurture. 9 years ago I had the pleasure of adopting a beautiful baby boy who is African American. My birth son has referred to him as our Nature vs Nurture project.

Why does a child grow up to be a Doctor, a lawyer, musician, churchgoer?

Some researchers say that it is inherited in the genes, while others will argue that the driving force is the upbringing and the nurturing we get from our parents.

But a new child-development theory bridges those two models, says psychologist George W. Holden at Southern Methodist University in Dallas. Holden's theory holds that the way a child turns out can be determined in large part by the day-to-day decisions made by the parents who guide that child's growth.

This model helps to resolve the nature-nurture debate. Effective parents are taking nature into account in their nurturing. It's a slightly different twist.

Parental guidance is key. Child development researchers largely have ignored the importance of parental guidance. Effective parents observe, recognize and assess their child's individual genetic characteristics, then cultivate their child's strengths.

I don't say this as a researcher, or by any means as an expert on the theory of Nature vs Nurture. I base it simply on the actual experience we have had in our home.

We are a Caucasian family raising a Black child. It matters not to us the genetics that made his skin black, or the characteristic's that he has obviously inherited from his birth parents. It is about the matters of the heart and he is so like us it is hard to imagine our family without him. He has some uncanny traits that are like that of my oldest son. He is loving and warm like our daughter. He has interests that any 9 yr old living in this environment would have.

I do not deny that there are, I am sure traits that are from nature (genetic) there are the very obvious ones- however isn't nurture really what it is all about?

Who cares if we do things like our mom did? or if we walk like our father does? Who cares if our ancestors were from royalty? What we all want is to be living in an environment that is loving, safe and yes filled with nurturing!

So the best questions came later!