Full circle- Again

I have the distinct pleasure in announcing that I am going to have another grandchild.  The first thing you hear when you announce 1st time grantparenthood is " Oh you will love it, there is nothing like it"  I was not disappointed and found this to be very true.  Hearing for the 2nd time holds just as much excitement however I don't have the anxiety and impatience as I have one already here to make the waiting period easier. 

If you are one of my blog followers then you know one of my passions is motherhood.

Do I have others? yes.  Does it define me? No. Is it the most important thing I have ever done? yes.

Many people search their hearts for years trying to figure out what that one thing is they want out of life, that one thing that would make them complete, I have always known.  I wanted nothing more than to be a mother.  I spent endless hours playing with my baby dolls.  I saturated the interest of my sister, friends, neighbors, cousins.  " Isn't there anything else you want to do but play with dolls"?  "No" I would say.

My dolls depended on me.  I clothed them, fed them. kept them warm, I rocked them, sang to them, and most importantly I loved them.  My dolls were not toys despite the many times I was told they were by my not so kind brother.  Telling me they were just plastic  and they had no feelings.  I rescued them from being tossed into the air and I would comfort them because I knew they could feel.

Yes I was born to be a mom.  When I was a child I would hear my aunts say "she will probably have a dozen kids"  I said I loved kids I am not crazy!  I was however fortunate enough to give birth to two and adopt another.  Each  time I became a mom again is a moment that will always be clear to me.

I loved the feeling of knowing I had life growing inside me.  Each day brought new excitement and anticipation. I did not have to pretend anymore I was going to be a mom.  I was responsible for the growth and development of this being.  I can still feel the flutters, the hiccups, the toes under my ribs and each time they turned to place themselves in a more comfortable position.  I remember the daily, yes daily for nine months seeing my breakfast more than once but thinking this is the greatest reason for being sick.

My body began to take on changes I never knew possible.   I could sit down and see a foot form on the outside of my stomach or watch a knee protrude as they turned around.  I  was home for this child for nine months.  No one else could feel them, feed them or keep them warm, they grew because of me, what an awesome feeling.

What amazed me most was you, my son and daughter were the deciding factor as to when you would arrive.

The joy I felt when each of you were placed in my arms, this here this was a productive day!  These lives I had nurtured for nine months now looking up at me, so small in my arms, so big in my heart.

I can still feel the touch of you, smell the sweetness of you and if I close my eyes I can hear your little sounds.  My heart was full and I had real life dolls to play with!

I marveled at each finger and toe, which I already knew would do great things.
Every new thing that you learned would be a milestone that I was certain no other baby ever accomplished!  It is amazing how excited an adult can get over a baby rolling over.

I was a spectator at many sports events, I sat in many audiences watching you perform, I was your opposite character as we practiced lines for school plays, I was a taxi driver, I nursed your physical health as well as your emotional needs.  I was your best critic when you needed me to be, I have been a party thrower, Halloween costume maker, tear wiper.  I have donned the responsibilities of Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.  I taught you what Faith was and made sure that church was a stable part of your lives.
I have been your mother and I have been your father.

As you grew older I became your confidant, a giver of advice, a listener, a shoulder to cry on, a supporter, and encourager, and always, always someone who believed in you.  As you grew, so did my love for you.  No one should ever be without that one person who's love is unconditional.

As you have gotten older, and will continue to do so, it doesn't change the insides of your mother.  You will always be my children.  The role has changed but the privilege remains.  Mothers still love as passionately as when they are nurturing little ones.  I still desire to know you are safe, to share in your joys and in your pains, to be part of your failures and successes. I don't want to spend time with you now as I did when you were children, to teach and nurture, I want to spend time with you because I like being with you.  You have both developed into fine young people who I want to be around, not to consume your lives or your time but because we are family and I love you.

As we all grow older and develop new relationships they cannot replace our relationships we hold most dear, they instead should become a part of those relationships, an addition not a subtraction.  You have both found that in your spouses and they have only enriched our relationship.

To my beautiful daughter, now a mom you can relate to the amazing journey of becoming a mother.  To my wonderful son as your journey is just beginning savor each moment of anticipation and embrace fatherhood with your heart.

I am now a mom of adult children but no less a mom.  I would still say today my goal in life was to have children.  There are many pains to parenting, there are many more joys.  I have accomplished a great many things in life none have been greater than motherhood.  I can still proudly say I am a mom...... I am your mom.