I have not felt well for several days so as I was heading into the weekend I found myself wishing I was running from third base and ready to slide into the weekend...........SAFE!
However I had committed myself to two things and felt that it was important not to disappoint those involved.
The first commitment was to my 11 year old son. We planned on going out to eat, which held no appeal to me right now and we planned on going to the movie 42- The true story based on the life of Jackie Robinson the first African American to play major league baseball.
The movie itself was awesome, definitely one I would watch again but watching it with my adopted son who happens to be African American stirred many emotions. I am sitting here watching a movie where the entire story line is based on racism, and I represent the race that caused me to feel shame.
There were parts that were tough to see, there were parts when his eyes were riveted on the screen, and there were parts when I knew he felt the pain that Jackie Robinson felt.
As we were leaving I asked him if he liked the movie and his simple quiet response was "some parts I liked and some parts I really did not like"
We later had a conversation that went like this;
Cam- Mom do you know how many birth siblings I have?
Me- I do you have 3 older and 2 younger.
Cam- Do I look like my birth mom?
Me- Well son I only saw her once, but I remember her being very tall.
Cam- I want to see her. I don't want a relationship with her I just want to see her.
Me- Why do you think you might want to do that?
Cam- I want her to see who I am. The next time anyone says anything to me about being adopted I am going to say "my parents chose me" "With Mike and Ashley you gave birth and were stuck with them, but you chose me"
Me- Yes son I did- without regret!
Yes this commitment I was regretting turned into an evening of blessings.
Regret #2
I had committed to working for hospice at a children's camp for the day and when I woke Saturday still not feeling well I thought why can I never say no! I was assigned to a 6 year old boy named Airon. I arrived and waited around for his arrival and as soon as he came in I knew it was him. I was not expecting an active little boy however after only a minute or two I thought to myself I will never be able to handle him today. He was a challenge for about 45 minutes and then I did a trust building activity with me and the monster in him melted away and he had the face of an angel.
He was an angry little boy when he came in and rightfully so but he accomplished something that few adults can do in that short period of time. Think about a time when you met someone new, were they immediately your best friend? Did you tell them your innermost secrets? It isn't likely that you trusted them after the first meeting. No, relationships take time but maybe not for someone who knows how quickly time passes and can be over.
This little boy who was so filled with anger opened up to me about death, and life and goodbyes. We made a picture frame for his mom to keep a picture of him in and on it he put stickers of all the things he likes and that make him happy. He trusted me with his story.
As I watched him walk away at the end of the day I knew he was no longer angry that he had come and I knew that this was yet another blessing that earlier I saw as a regret.
Thank you Lord for disguising our Blessings and opening my eyes.
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